well, i'm now officially a linux user, made this website yesterday and now i'm already going down the programming pipeline. i did it basically on impulse, i just saw some people on discord talking about how bad windows 10 is and that windows 11 is gonna be even worse, and figured there's no harm in trying. of course knowing me within an hour of testing out ubuntu i was already getting ready to install it (yes i'm on ubuntu arch elitists don't @ me). there was one caveat, i wanted to make sure that i saved the information on my secondary drive, which had 2.5tb of files on it (mostly just games and torrents but i also had a pretty solid music collection i had given up on in favor of just going back to spotify). of course i fucked that up, i was shrinking the partition on the hard drive in order for me to start transferring files over to something supported by linux, but then i had to restart for my graphics card driver to start working, im sure you can imagine the lapse in critical thinking that led to me now having 3tb of free space on my computer, which would in any other situation be a good thing. anyways, its not the worst, or at least it wouldn't be if i hadn't opened cruelty squad just to find out my save that i spent 30 hours on optmizing to get the fastest times on every level, is just gone. i could've sworn steam had cloud saves but somehow they did not show up when i needed them to, writing this now i realize that my fallout new vegas save i spent dozens of hours on is probably also gone as well, but i guess so is the collection of mods that i had for it so maybe i have worse things to worry about, at the same time i've made playing fallout new vegas an unhealthy obsession so maybe the perfect thing i needed is a deterrance. anyways, im not really strongly bothered by it as much as this entry may demonstrate, but the realization might not have fully hit me yet that everything is just gone.
man it's so hard to pull myself away from this, i've made so much progress in a day (i know this one says august 3rd and the last one says august 2nd, i'm writing this at 3am) that if i just keep with it it's crazy to think about where i could be with it in the future. i'm struggling with the idea that maybe i'm just wasting my time (not like i was using it in better places anyways) but i think as long as i have some place to catalogue my thoughts, where maybe someone could stumble across and read all the shit i wanted to get off my mind, it's worth it to me. all this programming is exhausting, if only i picked up more from learning python at the programming classes i went to at the library during middle school, which i realize is funny to think about now because i'm making this website during a time where i'm way less interested in tech and programming than i ever was back in 5th and 6th grade. i hope when i go to sleep tonight i wake up tomorrow and dont immediately give up on this website, a lot of projects of mine go that way, where i'm really passionate for a day and then never touch it after that, but at this point i think that might just be the way i operate.
this whole blog thing was literally so hard to set up, hopefully it doesn't require any major maitenence in the future or im totally screwed. anyways here's a gif im only adding to make myself feel better.